Reflections Part 1
I’ve been on the mission field for almost 9 months, and I’ve been living outside of California for nearly three years. It’s crazy to sit and think about it. It feels like I’ve lived a lifetime since I left home for my original World Race in 2015. I have 25 days left as a World Race missionary. 25 days until these three years come to a close and I head back to California to stay. Wow, so many feelings. I’ve decided to write a little blurb each day for these last 25 days to share my thoughts and reflections as this chapter comes to a close, and to share the things the Lord is doing up to the very end. Every few days I will post my entries from the previous days. Enjoy!
May 9: From my journal. God’s pursuit of us.
Something Jodi (my squad mentor) prayed on the leadership call today was, “God, thank you for pursuing us even when we don’t want it.” And that got me thinking about how true that is. I’ve experienced it, most recently when I was apathetic and didn’t want to be here anymore. And I knew that wasn’t like me, but I didn’t really want to do anything about it. The Lord still sought me in sweetness, patience, and abundance. I saw Ephesians 3:20 at work. God did more than I asked him to and more than I could have imagined in those few weeks I was struggling. In this season I’ve gotten to see what it looks like to be pursued by God relentlessly. I’ve seen him give me things I didn’t think I needed. I have seen him set me free from things I didn’t know I was bound by. I’ve seen him meet me in my questions and in my pain—not always with answers or explanations, but with an abundance of hope. And hope does not put us to shame.
May 10: A quick note I typed into my iPhone
Things I’m looking forward to: living near my cousins again, all the amazing restaurants in LA, seeing little Caleb who I haven’t seen since he was 6 weeks old, weekends trips to San Francisco, sitting in my parents’ backyard and drinking coffee with my family, having my wardrobe back, going out for karaoke with my friends, being 5 hours from Yosemite, being home for the holidays.
Things I’m gonna miss: cooking family meals with my teams, always having plenty of people to share popcorn with, hearing about what my Racers are learning each day, having hours and hours every day to spend with the Lord and read and write, seeing sunrises on different continents, living very simply, talking to my leadership team every week, laughing with Gap K.
May 11: From my journal. The last few seasons and God’s faithfulness.
I knew I was going to grow in this season, but I didn’t know in what ways. Looking back on the last 3 years I truly see a transformation. In this season in particular the Lord has walked me through a lot of pain, and in those times I didn’t know what to expect, but the fruit that has come from it has been beautiful. This Race has not been like my original Race, and sometimes I was disappointed by that. Sometimes I felt it wasn’t fair how hard this season has been. But this season has also been incredible and fun, full of adventure and emotion. I look around and I see God’s faithfulness. I see that my hurt matters to him and that he weaves purpose into everything. And I see undeniable beauty and deep joy. This season has been full of many gifts. And because of both the hard and the good of these last few years, I’ve come to be able to trust God’s faithfulness more. It has been worth it.
May 12: A few minutes of free writing
The end of the Race is super bittersweet. It’s a combination of being excited and ready to be home and being sad that my time on the field with my squad is ending. I’m so proud of them and I’m gonna miss them a ton. I also miss my friends and family more than I think I ever have. I’m ready to be home, and not in a checked-out kind of way but in a cool answer-to-prayer kind of way. I know it will be hard to go back into American culture and to move back to California where I haven’t lived in three years. It will be really hard to be away from all the incredible friends I’ve made in the three years I’ve been gone. But I also know this next season will be full of goodness. I’m excited to be back with my people and be able to celebrate with them in person. It has been three long, amazing, growing years, and I’m excited to continue my story with my friends and family back in California.
